Very emotional today. I may have set my own self up for failure early on by mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. It has a delicate way of dragging us into reactive mode real quick and before you know it, like a deer in headlights, you are hypnotized into a place of lack. It can be very unhealthy for our psyche. Thus began my downward spiral as I continued about my day.
Now if you’re tapped in tuned in your feelings can become a source of inspiration moving you towards the path of least resistance.
I cried three times today.
I’m not ashamed. Crying is the way your eyes speak when your mouth can’t explain. So yea. I cried. I cried because the life I envision seems so far from my reality. I cried because I became the person I never thought I’d be. I cried because I willingly let outside sources dictate my everyday life and at some point you look back and realize it’s been that way for years.
Everything looks better in the daylight. I had to soften. Look at the entire experience as a whole. I haven’t physically exhausted myself in an environment like this since my days as a camp counselor, possibly not ever as much as this trip. However, we are always capable of more than we think we are.
Daily we walk a 20-30 min hill so steep a 2WD won’t even make it. We eat mostly vegan, some fish, and all water (with the exception of an occasional fruit drink for dinner or a cold beverage we treat ourselves to from the Mini Super at the bottom of the hill).
Baby reminds me he’s still here with a few bouts of nausea. Today was baby Chip’s first time surfing! We caught a few waves, longboard of course, but it counts! Surfed Sawmill, just north of Pavones. It was perfect.
We’ve seen wild parrots, monkeys, iguanas, and some beautiful butterflies and birds. Scenery is so lush. Real, raw jungle. Took a hike down an uncharted river into town two days ago. Never seen anything like it.
Finally met our destination in Costa about 8 p.m. After my episode on the airplane (I passed out for a few seconds), boarding another hour flight on Sansa Airlines to Golfito, then an hour drive to the Yoga Farm in Punta Banco, I was drained. We were late to dinner, but they saved us a plate – a generous one. Everyone’s so chill here.
Not gonna like, I didn’t handle the first night well. Frogs, cockroaches, no fans, no window screens… I did manage to find a mosquito net for our bunk bed. Our bunk is on the east side of the main house, nearly no breeze. I literally told Louie I don’t know if I can do this for a week it’s so hot. Facilities are outside. You walk uphill ten minutes just to get to the kitchen. He loves it! For me, culture shock.
Do you ever feel like you’ve given up on life? It’s like you wake up one day and ask yourself, when is enough enough?It feels like it’s taking all you’ve got to keep the wheel turning. Now before you go where I think you may, saying to yourself, ‘You think you’ve got it rough!’ I want to clarify, it’s not a quantitative equation. No line gets crossed that classifies hardship. Rather, it’s our quality of day-to-day living. Mind chatter seems to never end. It’s in these moments we hear that still small voice. It shows us we need to soften. We need to come back to ourselves.
I think our practice cultivates space for us to listen. Space to move past whatever our circumstance and expose a realness, an authenticity that unifies us. We can’t see it, or hear it, or feel it when we only feed our places of least resistance. It starts with a whisper, during these times, and a willingness to open just a little bit more.
Little Chip is a kumquat today, measuring 1″ and developing organs. He has eyelids and working on growing his limbs.
Things are starting to look up. Tomorrow is our first appointment. I think this will solidify things.
I got pretty upset with Louie the other night after he refused to talk about the sex of the baby. He’s so cut and dry. He said only I know what the baby feels like and there’s no reason to prefer one or the other and set yourself up for something you have no control over. I realized he may want a boy to carry on his name and he’s afraid I may want something different. To be honest, I’m leaning towards his name anyway. I don’t have any others in mind, except my cousin’s name Blake which I’ve always liked. Still nothing outweighs the magnitude his own name carries, not yet anyway. Besides, I’m feeling more like it could be a girl. We’ll know week 18-22.
Two weeks ago today I came down with a sore throat. I still have a straggling cough and very little energy. Louie cleaned the place up for me a few days ago, I don’t have the strength to care. Emotions are running rampant. I feel myself wanting to practice and meditate, but I get sucked into my bed with lethargy and overwhelming nausea. My diet is no bueno. The only foods that seem to bring any solace are childhood favorites of mine: Subway, Doritos, Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel etc. I want to make better decisions, but I’m too weak to care. Jayden said it’s because I’m growing a little mini-me inside.
I hired my first life coach in 2014. It was the best decision I made that year.
At a time in my life when I was experiencing extreme burnout at work and frustration in an overly angry population, Asha was my personal advocate for self-care. One of my fav takeaways as her client, was not to practice yoga (or any physical activity) during menstruation and on/during
the New Moon or Full Moon. There’s a whole science behind it (ask Siri). All life forms mirror the cycles of the moon: birth, life, death, rebirth. What is seemingly a period of lull inactivity is just as necessary as more energetic fiery phases. These phases are permission from the universe to stop doing and go with the flow.
My life coach literally changed my life.
I stopped working with Asha a year ago this summer. Since then I’ve faithfully continued the inner work, but secretly hoped for another to come alongside as a guide on this roller coaster of self evolution… meet Madeline!
We meet once a week to discus simple doable steps to manifest the life I want.
Wrapping up week (1) here are a few milestones:
Kicked my a.m. sugary coffee habit to the curb!
Obtained more mental clarity and stamina at work.
Personal accountability and reason to stay dedicated to my at-home yoga practice.
Loss of cravings for fast foods that provide little/ no nutritional value.
Personal health is an investment not an expense. I’m living proof that doing the work works! With a life coach I saw vision boards come to fruition, a ten year career move towards a direction more inline with who I am, and closed-mined relationships replaced with healthy expansive connections. I can’t stress it enough. Look into hiring a life coach if you, like me, crave moving past limiting self beliefs into a more expansive version of yourself. It’s time to unleash the beast (or at least try it once!) – Valerie